Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room; well I'm here with you...

It's been hard coming to grips with the fact that I am no longer in the "kids" age bracket. And I don't mean discounts at meals kind of age bracket. Up until a few years ago, it didn't matter how "old you were," as long as you were of the younger generation. Even though you went places where people were of all sorts of ages, there was really only 2 "types" - the "adults" and the "kids". Or more precisely, the "parents" and the "kids". If your parents knew other parents, then you were, by default, considered the same generation as their kids. And it's not as if they has stopped being true completely, but I have come to note that I'm not exactly in the same generation as people who are still in high school. But really, where does the line stop? I'm graduating from university but I have friends who are in first year university. Not a terrible stretch, especially at badminton. But then those friends talk to people who are a year or 2 younger than them. So naturally, I talk to these people too. Then those people talk to some other kids who are one or 2 years younger than THEM. You see where I'm going with this? But I'm definitely NOT part of the adult group - they don't consider me as part of that generation, nor do I feel like I am.

Not that it's much of a problem. I just wonder about what happens to the dynamics between people as the age gap becomes substantial (4+ years?) but you're still considered within the same demographic group. It gets even weirder around family sometimes because you'll have people who are literally within your generation (i.e. your parents are siblings) but are something like 10+ years older or younger than you.

As May draws to a close, I have finished writing about 1 month of the 8-month time period that spans my informal writing project. So with some luck, I'll finish writing the first semester by the end of the summer.

I've also managed to garner a reaction of "melted my face lmfao sooo good" from someone I don't even know, about a comment I made on facebook. I should be a comedian.

New book to read!

"Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior"

This should be interesting.

My parents want to get me a grad present. Problem is, not exactly being the most materialistic of people, I can't actually think of anything I want. And I know my parents aren't the type to give "money" as a present (I'm rather opposed to receiving money as a gift too).

I could ask them to postpone it until next year when I graduate again!

I also realized something very very important about being open-minded last night. This might get a little confusing since I imagine the term "open-minded" will be used quite a bit but I will make my best attempt to be clear.

A while ago, Karen posted a link about how the "-isms" are running the country (or something suchlike). And at the time, although I found it a fascinating post, I wasn't 100% sure I understood what it meant or why it was worth troubling over. This was particularly true because the post itself wasn't that long or detailed. I mean, in very general terms, let me just quote a fairly bare bones summary of right vs. left wing (VERY bare bones... simply for those who have no idea). From http://www.tellmehowto.net:

"Right wing tends to be associated more with 'conservative' values (with a small 'c')... the status quo and tradition. They tend to be me tougher on law and order than the left."

"Left wing, on the other hand, is associated much more with what may be termed more liberal values, the role of society, and the community as a whole. Law and order policies tend to be more relaxed."

Then there's a bunch of clauses that deal with right/left wingism (<-- not a word) as they relate to economics. But I'm setting that aside for now.

So I'm fairly left wing. And just from the definitions given above, you can imagine how it's not entirely inaccurate to say that "left wing people are more open-minded" and "right wing people are more narrow-minded". But something happened last night that reawakened Karen's article in my head and it made me realize something very important about being open-minded. I mean, anyone who reads this blog knows that I spew off that term on a fairly regular basis, usually in conjunction with being "compassionate" and "tolerant" at the same time. But I want to illustrate what it truly means to be open-minded. The following example is going to sound a lot like I'm tooting my own horn. And I mean, to an extent, I am since I am using myself as a demonstration of what it means to be open-minded. But it's not like I'm going "Look at me, look how open-minded I am." Seen? Ok, here we go...

I was sitting at dinner table last night with my parents and their fairly conservative friends. And at some point in the conversation, the topic passed to same-sex marriage. Being fairly conservative, there was a general air of disapproval at the table concerning same-sex marriage. No one flat out said "Same-sex marriage is wrong," but you could tell that that's what they were all kinda thinking. You know, nuanced phrases like, "Can you imagine, they actually sell wedding cakes with 2 grooms nowadays" and that kind of thing... in Cantonese of course. Like I said, there's no denying that there was a general disapproval of same-sex marriage at that table. Now, it wasn't a constrained atmosphere because everyone (except me) all had the same attitude so they were mostly just agreeing with each other. But throughout it all, there was one thing that I couldn't help thinking about...

I couldn't help thinking about some of my left-wing friends or acquaintances (who, like me, approve of same-sex marriage) and how they would react/feel if they were in my position. And I felt pretty sure that some of them would feel indignant listening in on that conversation. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it would have actually upset some people that I know. And that was when I realized... this is what it means to be too left-winged. And that's when I realized that even though left-wing views have a reputation for being open-minded, it's not really being truly open-minded; more like a psudo-open-mindedness. I realized this because *I* wasn't in the least bit perturbed or bothered by the fact that people around me disapproved of same sex marriage even though I do think it's rather narrow-minded of them.

See, we fall into this trap of thinking that left-wing views are more open-minded because in a sense, they ARE. There's no denying that respecting the union between loved ones, regardless of gender, is a more open-minded view than limiting your definition of marriage to that between a man and woman. But think about what it means when left-wing believers get caught up being shocked and indignant at right wing views. Doesn't it sound a lot like they're saying "Your views on marriage are wrong; my views on marriage are right"? You see where I'm going with this. When I was sitting at that dinner table, I wasn't in the least bit perturbed about the general opinion regarding same-sex marriage because I understood where they were all coming from. I mean, you have to keep in mind that these are people who were brought up to think that same-sex marriage was wrong. That was the culture they lived in. Even Boy Meets World, made in the 90s, had "gay" jokes in some of its episodes that they would get slaughtered for if they made them today. And sure, it'd be NICE if my parents and their friends were open-minded enough to embrace the changing views about same-sex marriage but I can hardly bring myself to blame them if they don't.

This, I believe, is what it means to be open-minded. It's not just about taking an open-minded stance on issues, ideologies, and "-isms" - that's just pseudo-open-mindedness - you have to be open-minded about other people's stances too; even those that are narrow-minded. You have to understand not only why it's good to be open-minded, but why other people aren't... and embrace the reasons why they're resisting different views. But you'd be a hypocrite to condemn people for resisting different views if you resist theirs! Many people who are narrow-minded aren't inherently bad people; they just see the world in a different way. That, I think, is what Karen's article was trying to highlight. To only understand open-minded stances - to be unable to understand why people are close-minded - is, in itself, close-minded! And it's something we sometimes forget when we caught up in the belief that our own views are always right.

I was talking to my aunt last night (the only real aunt I have in Canada) and I think she asked me something like, "Are you keeping yourself busy at home?" to which I responded by telling her about my informal writing project. She said, "That's good; sounds pretty interesting," at which point I interjected, "but I *am* still looking for a summer job". My aunt looked thoughtful for a second or two before patting me on the shoulder and saying gently, "Don't be in too much of a rush to enter the workforce; they'll be plenty of time for that when you're done your teaching degree." And there was something in the way she said it that made it seemed very poignant and reassuring.

I wasn't going to insult her intelligence by firing off some lame excuse about wanting to be "financially independent" because honestly, I don't really feel that need yet. And also, a summer job is not going to make me "financially independent". I've never made enough money over one summer to even cover one semester's worth of tuition. And my parents have never demanded that I strive to become financially independent of them; their main concern has always whether or not I'm making use of my time wisely. Let me clear on something. I do not NEED to find gainful employment. Of course, more money is always nice, but it is not NECESSARY, especially in light of how little I spend on a general basis. It is, of course, a product of my privileged socio-economic position but I had a teacher who once said that we shouldn't be embarrassed about our privileged socio-economic backgrounds because that's a product of how hard our parents have worked to get us there. He said that nothing makes our parents prouder than being able to send us to university, and that when we, in turn, become parents, we will also find motivation to work harder so that our kids don't have to. It is all a question of not taking things for granted and you don't have to be embarrassed about not needing to work in order to demonstrate your appreciation for it.

So I don't need the money. Do I need the experience? Well, that'd be nice, which is why I'm even looking in the first place. But if I do get a job, I want it to be either something I'm not going to hate, or something teaching related (or something that pays minimum wage at least). This might be the reason why I'm still unemployed; I'm being rather selective about the jobs I apply for. I'm pretty sure (although I'm no longer sure that I can still do this now... but I could have done it in earlier months) that I could get a job as a camp counselor. But honestly, I don't really want to do that anymore, particularly if they continue to underpay their employees. I never understood how they were allowed to get through the "minimum wage" loophole - if it's really because they're paying a "salary" and not an hourly wage, that's a pretty BIG loophole in our minimum wage policy - but I'm seriously not in the mood to slave my summer away as an amazing camp counselor only to get paid an amount that I should be making bi-weekly.

Most importantly, though, I am not wasting my day away at home. I always knew that this was pretty much the ONLY reason why my parents ever required me to get a summer job - because they wanted me to put my time to good use. Something tells me if I usually spent my summers, I don't know, refurbishing the basement or something, they wouldn't poke me about job hunting. Well, I AM working pretty hard this summer, mostly on my informal writing piece, but recently on a professional development blog (that is, thankfully, on the verge of completion). Still looking for gainful employment but I'm glad that most people are, at least, being supportive about my lack of employment in light of my authoring attempt.

“I was surprised to find that (anonymous person) thinks I'm smarter than her” – Christian
“Why?” – Jon Wong
“I don’t know, it’s just that I find it odd considering that she’s not only intelligent, but arrogant too” – Christian
“I don’t think it’s weird; *I’m* intelligent and arrogant but I consider you my intellectual superior…” – Jon Wong
“This is true…” – Christian

Yes, I have been absent. I am working on another blog so...

BRB!!!!!!!!!!!

How could they possibly have let the Application to Graduate/Graduation Details section of QCARD be experiencing technical difficulties when they only give us a 4 day window in which to do it?! God, QCARD is just SO badly managed it's not even funny anymore.

I now know what it's like to have a brainwave. I had one last night at 2 in the morning and couldn't sleep all night because of it.

For Pete's sake...

The fact that you "didn't check facebook" is not an excuse for forgetting your friend's birthday.

Caring about things is hard work.

That is my revelation for the day. Every time I run into something I care about, I end up working my TAIL off. Like being a good teacher or this informal writing piece or (back in the day) when I used to care about being a good at badminton. I also work my tail off at being considerate, sympathetic, and open-minded.

And then my parents wonder about why I'm so carefree. Really now, if I cared about more stuff, I'd probably kill myself. Teacher's college will probably be my most stressful year of university just based on the fact that I'll finally care about my classes.

I remember making a post at one point about how I wanted a slushee. It has occurred to me that I never got around to satisfying that craving. I still want one. But as usual, I am too lazy to get off my ass to go get one.

In my opinion, people underestimate the importance of a good, fluffy towel. I remember a few years back when someone I knew got towels for Christmas and it generated some eyebrow raising, possibly because it IS a slightly unorthodox gift (at least, certainly not something I had ever seen). But I have come to appreciate how much better the drying-off process becomes when your towel is new and fluffy compared to some sort of a overused, over-sized, scraggly rag.

You know what's the most complicated part of writing a story? The filler stuff! I think that is the reason why writing goes in spurts. There are things I want to accomplish in each chapter but in order to GET there, I have to transition from the previous chapter to the next. And it's hard to write good transition material. 4 years of English essays have at least taught me this. It's just as true for informal writing of any sizable length.

I finally understand what E=mc2 means!

Alright people! I'm updating! I thought that the copious amounts of updating on facebook would have made up for my non-presence on this blog. And you have to admit, I have been very active on facebook of late, what with putting up and labeling photos of my epic week compounded with my tribute to undergrad.

Speaking of epic week, it really was quite epic. I'm glad we got to do the things we did and I'm glad I did them with those people. I don't think any "grad trip" could possibly have been any more fun than the week I spent romping around Toronto and Niagara Falls with my friends from Gord 5. I think everyone will agree that it was overall pretty awesome.

What else is new? Well, I don't really have anything else to report so... music appreciation time!

This is the dance for all the lovers
Taking a chance for one another
Finally it's our time now
These are the times that we'll remember
Breaking the city's heart together
Finally it's our time now

The chorus from the song "Our Time Now" by the Plain White Ts (or T's or Tees or however the hell they spell that last portion of their name). Many of you will undoubtedly recognize this band name for their smash musical hit "Hey There Delilah" from 2 summers ago... a song that probably garnered more airplay on the radio than any other song I remember (rivaled only by Mika's "Grace Kelly" and Rihanna's "Umbrella"). "Hey There Delilah," while a pleasant tune, got really old, really fast, as these insanely popular songs are wont to do.

But I digress. The Plain White Ts turned out to be a band whose music sounds far more like Fall Out Boy than Joshua Radin - "Hey There Delilah" apparently being an exception (though with its immense popularity, you would think that the band might be inclined to write more of these acoustic love ballads). That's not to say that a song like "Our Time Now" isn't infinitely superior to "Hey There Delilah" though. From a music standpoint, "Our Time Now" is INCREDIBLY generic. You need only to listen to the introductory chord progression to realize that there is nothing new and/or original in the sound. So why do I find myself strangely attracted to this song?

Well, for one, while the music may be plain/boring/generic, it is, at least, plain/boring/generic in the most easy-on-the-ears sort of way. For another, I find myself drawn to the first two lines:

This is the dance for all the lovers
Taking a chance for one another

And I think I like it because it speaks to something that we sometimes forget when we're gearing ourselves up to ask someone out or when we're confronted with somebody else asking us out. At least, I guess it applies more to the latter case. When we're willing to take a chance on someone, we sometimes forget that they need to be willing to take on a chance on us as well. And I mean, it's easy to forget this. We hope that the fact that we're willing to take a chance on someone gives them the courage to take a chance on us in return. Sometimes, they're not. And of course, it's disappointing when this happens. That's the risk we take when we want something better than ordinary.

But then, think about it again, this time from the opposite point of view. What happens when someone, on whom you are unwilling to take a chance, asks you out? It's hard isn't it? Because part of you understands that the fact that they are willing to take a chance on you isn't negated just because they're asking you to take a chance on them. Asking someone to take a risk on you might be the biggest risk you can take. Because you're making yourself vulnerable to them in hopes that they won't hurt you - but it's not the kind of one-way vulnerability that comes with telling someone your secret hiding place or anything like that. It's a two-way vulnerability; you make yourself vulnerable to them in hopes that they won't hurt you, but the only way they can accomplish this is to appear vulnerable in return.

I guess that's the reason why I'm struck by those lines. We get so caught up in "take a chance on me," or "should I take a chance on him/her?" that it's good when someone comes along and pens something as simple as

This is the dance for all the lovers
Taking a chance for one another

Because that's what love is! It's our willinginess to take chances for each other. In this crazy world of overprotection, cynicism, and miscommunication, the fact that two people are willing to put their hearts in each other's hands bucks incredible odds. In fact, I am consistently flabbergasted when it happens (no joke). But at the same time, my flabbergastion (<-- not a word) is frequently replaced by an appreciation of how special something like this is and why people should never, ever take anything like this for granted. After all, it's the one thing people never seem to get tired singing about. It's gotta be worth something just based on that alone.